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The Messiah
03-26-2002, 03:41 PM
Okay everybody, its time once again for Messianic Visions 101 with your host The Messiah!

First off Id like to say that it gives me a fucking headache sitting here and coming up with a different essay EVERY FUCKING WEEK, but I do it for I am The Messiah and my love is boundless, endless, and shitless (hopefully).

Anyway, this weeks topic is a current theme on board, Your stupid 'never there for you' friends and drugs.

Well, now where to begin, where to begin. I mean theres a endless supply of humor when you see your shitball for a pal foaming at the mouth, convulsing on "really good shit".

Example: You call your friend on little cutesy wootsey cell phone, maybe leech some herb off of them, cause dammit its friday and you dont even know what the hell a job is to start with. They tell you in slurred illformed druggie talk "whash upth! geth yuuuur ash ove-" silence.
HELLO HELLO! WHERE DID THEY GO! UHOH! OH NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! What could have happened to my poor junkie freind who always has the best KB in town?!?!?
You, in your guiltless fit of emotion, dash over to the mystery that awaits!

As you walk in the door to the lair of the villanous intoxicated feind, the odor of wretched bile and human waste hit you over the headlike a ton of- Oh wait! thats no uncontrolled release of body odor and waste, thats your own maligned depravity seeping through the thin veil of fake caring and helper feelings you are trying so skittishly and unconvincingly to push forward on those who seek to judge or spurn you.

Ahh the home of sin, lying around are the oh so familiar tools of the trade,....hmmmmm an extra butane canister, you need that, and hey most likey your freind is dead, so why let the cops bag it as "evidence" right?

You quickly follow the scent to the bedroom, the often used place of lust.
There before you on the floor is the bane of their own existence, the horrible, ghastly, overdosed junkie.
Foam pours from his mouth as if itself were trying hoplessly to escape the pain of death. Alas, it was too much, their eyes rolled back, the slight twitch of the soon-to-be lifeless body and the smell that in turn makes yourself vomit. Oh the truthfull vision of God's unrelenting wrath! ::sigh::

You walk over and kick the body, being careful not to touch anything, as one might implicate themselves in the ordeal, as his body responds to the nudge with the last of its energy, a sack of emerald green escapes their pocket.
Whats this? Is this...hoooooooly shit, thats a half of some Hawian Sativa! sheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeet!
This kat had taste, well I mean they were your freind right? of course they did, you didnt hang around people of filth or anyth- wait strike that. oh well.
Hey,hmmmm, They aint gonna miss it much! Besides, they made the volition to do "too much" and now they are paying for it, so grab it and get the hell out of there!

and thats that.

What did we learn this week? Well we learned that sometimes your freinds can keep giving even after they have left this world, wether they want to or not haha! We learned that as long as you look like you tried to help, TAKE THE FREE STUFF! And we learned that love means never having to say I do.
I hope you enjoyed this little trip we took, I hope it was as much down memory lane for you as it was for me! LMFAO!

anyway, tata for now, and until next week, Messianic Visions 101 is DISMISSED!

queen_jill
03-26-2002, 04:58 PM
aaahahaha...holy funny ass shit batman! hahahaha...LMFAO!

SnAp~p
03-26-2002, 08:36 PM
LOL!! damn boy

Obi's Evil Twin
03-27-2002, 12:49 AM
Have you ever considered electroshock therapy?

Kim
03-27-2002, 01:23 AM
Very well written. I loved it! I look forward to next weeks rant. You gotta eventually address the "pity cry". I'll explain that to you on IM.

Kim

FetusFucker666
03-27-2002, 01:58 AM
Hey i mean he doesnt need that shit when hes gone..he would have left it to ya anyways.

kung_foo_cumshot
03-27-2002, 11:14 AM
So, if it's ok to steal from them when they are dead, is it ok to take it when they are alive? They dont NEED it then either. Actually, its a favor if you go ahead and steal it, you are saving their health.

The Messiah
03-27-2002, 03:10 PM
Originally posted by Obi's Evil Twin
Have you ever considered electroshock therapy?

awww obi, trying to bring me down to your level? I mean if I was as dumb as you circus freaks, who would be here to make fun of you?

Obi's Evil Twin
03-28-2002, 02:51 AM
is that really the best insult you can come up with? Dumb? Try something that will stick. I'm most decidedly not dumb; maybe not as bitter as you are, but I'm definitely not dumb. If bitterness is truly a fair test of intelligence, I admit I lose hands down.

Try coming up with something that *might* apply to me next time.

The Messiah
03-28-2002, 05:37 AM
Originally posted by Obi's Evil Twin
If bitterness is truly a fair test of intelligence, I admit I lose hands down.

Wait, you didnt get that memo? Yah it turns out the best thinkers of the past 500 years have all been jaded, bitter misanthropes. Sucks to be you I guess.

Now kids I know you all wanna be like Mike, but come on, this "playing his own game routine" is only cool if you actually PLAY IT and arent just the last kid picked, cause they had to make the teams even. Goddamn, dont they teach you kids things like ELOQUENCE and ENTERTAINMENT in school or did they cut that part out of the curriculum so they could throw that extra pep rally in this year?
I mean this reply is a representation of the below average, subpar output of the Georgia, nay the American educational system. Apparently the jocks and bullys have been slacking off these past few years, cause he for some reason thinks he has some worth to offer this fading republic. Goddamn, where is the herd of grazing sheep when you need them.
Oh wait im sorry, my bad, your the "poetic party kid" so your not dumb, no your fucking brain dead.

Fuck with the bull, you get the ___________.

Blueaquatiger
03-28-2002, 12:13 PM
Dear Mike,

I can't fathom why someone who probably dresses up like a character from Star Wars at a con is giving medical advice.
http://www.ga501st.com/Dragoncon/jedisithfight.jpg
Though things could be worse he could dress up like one of those Star Trek geeks...good thing he does not go by the name Spock or dare I say it...Spocks evil twin.
http://www.stomptokyo.com/img-m3/trekkies-c.jpg
But it is kinda funny watching someone that wears so much kandi try to be a badass. Especially since he added evil to his name.
http://www.ravepictures.net/smackattack/10.jpg
But the more people loate you Mike, and the more they attempt attacking you the more evidence I see that you must be the real pp messiah. I mean look how badly they hated Jesus. And then I see this post and there is Ben almost Roman (not Andrew but people from Rome) like, with lots of kandi though, standing steadfast waiting for their moment. Waiting to crucify you.
http://www.birminghamcitadel.org/images/crucifiction.jpg
Don't misunderstand me though Mike. I truly do like kandi kids. It's just that some carry their kandi better than others.
http://blueaquatiger.freewebspace.com/images/kandygirl.jpg

Blue

dr00
03-28-2002, 06:24 PM
messiah you're my hero...

kung_foo_cumshot
03-28-2002, 08:39 PM
This thread should be renamed: "kiss messiah's ass"
my jealousy is legendary. all i want is to be the main dissident of plur planet.

The Messiah
04-01-2002, 06:09 PM
one last bump before next weeks rant is revealed,

ps thanks BAT, you are poetry in motion

MoonGrrl
04-02-2002, 02:13 PM
Quite entertaining. Yet Im not that great with sarcasm so I couldnt think of anything to SMACK you with. :p

The Messiah
08-24-2002, 12:20 AM
*bringing back the dead 101*

some things taste better the second time around

otto
08-24-2002, 12:38 AM
Very well written

hehe... i think i need to teach you and mike some grammar lessons eh? :twak:

otto

Rican
08-24-2002, 03:59 AM
LOL *two thumbs up*

KermitTuesday
08-24-2002, 10:18 PM
these rants are the only thing that keeps me believing that there are SOME people out there with some intelligence... not many but thank god (or messiah...)

dr00
08-24-2002, 10:27 PM
Originally posted by jibi jibi waba


hehe... i think i need to teach you and mike some grammar lessons eh? :twak:

otto

looks like YOU need grammar leasons.... that was correct :rolleyes:

jabber
08-25-2002, 08:38 AM
Damn...suprise ending on that one