dead baby jokes

[Some Guy from CHI]

how do you unload a truck of dead babies?
-with a pitchfork

[Buzz]

You can do better than that...

[KermitTuesday]

ummm... this was a thread already... and there were some much funnier ones... look it up!

[Frost]

uhh...yea there is already a dead baby thread on here and my version of the joke was better

[queen_jill]

yeah, dumbass... :rolleyes:

[.oOKUMBUBBLEOo.]

whats the difference between a dead baby and a rock...


you cant fuck a rock...



i'll see you all in hell XP

[queen_jill]

LMFAO





:headbang:

[Some Guy from CHI]

yah

like i have the fuckin time or desire to look up every subject before i decide to make a post

suck me sideways bitch

[Random]

how do you get a dead baby out of a blender?





































with a straw

[Random]

whats orange and blue and sits at the bottom of a pool?

a baby with slashed floaties

whats orange and red and floats at the top of a pool?

floaties with a slashed baby



yeah, hell, i hear it gets kinda warm there, lmao.

[Blueaquatiger]

What's red, white, and screams?
A skinned baby in a bag of salt.


What's pink, bubbly, and scratches glass?
A baby in a microwave.


What's the difference between a truck full of bowling balls, and a truck full of dead babies?
You can't move the bowling balls with a pitchfork.


What's the difference between a cadillac and a pile of dead babies?
I don't have a cadillac in my garage.


What's grosser than ten dead babies nailed to a tree?
One dead baby nailed to ten trees.


What bounces up and down at 100mph?
A baby tied to the back of a truck.


How many babies does it take to paint a house?
Depends how hard you throw them.


How do you save a drowning baby?
Harpoon it.


How do you save a dying baby?
Ziploc Bag.


What has four legs and one arm?
A doberman on a children's playground.

[Mr. Grooves]

What's the difference between a cadillac and a pile of dead babies? I don't have a cadillac in my garage.


BWHAHAHAHAHAHAH siiiiiiiiiiiiick......

[Rican]

LMAO @ BAT!!!

[Canada]

...................woah.............

[Hans Gruber59]

What do you get when you stab a baby?

I don't know about you but I get an erection.


how do you make a baby cry twice?

Wipe your bloody dick on his teddy bear.

[Notorious F.A.G]

how do you make a dead baby float?????












a glass of coke and 2 scoops of dead baby ice cream

[XxFeMaLexX]

its ok kid... you'll get'em next time

[Dj_Aciddrop]

Originally posted by .oOKUMBUBBLEOo.
whats the difference between a dead baby and a rock...


you cant fuck a rock...



i'll see you all in hell XP


If there old enogh to crawl there in the right position ! :eek:

[Cha]

if there isnt any grass on the field... roll em over and play in the mud :eek:

[Ulala59]

whats the difference between a dead baby and New York?




i dont live in a dead baby! :banana:

[Feral]

Okay yeah that was just fucking STUPID.... :twak:

[*kitty*]

pretty much...

[OrngePlasticTree]

Q: What is blue and yellow and found at the bottom of a pool?A: A baby with slashed floaties.Q: What is green-black and yellow and found at the bottom of a pool?A: The same baby three weeks later.Q: What's red and yellow and floats on top of the pool?A: Floaties with a slashed baby.Q: What's red and sits in a highchair?A: A baby eating razor-blades.Q: What is red and white and squirms in the corner?A: Dead Baby playing with razor blades.Q: What is red, white and green and sits in a corner?A: Same baby 3 weeks later.Q: What's blue and thrashes about on the floor?A: A baby playing in a plastic bag.Q: What's blue and sits in the corner?A1: Baby in a cellophane bag.A2: Dead Baby playing with saranwrap.Q: What is green and sits in the corner?A: Same dead baby two weeks later!Q: How do you make a dead baby float?A1: One glass of Root Beer and two scoops of baby.A2: Take your foot off its head.Q1: What's red and white and bubbles all over?Q2: What's red, bubbly, and scratches at the window?Q3. What is brown and taps on a window?Q4: What's pink and red and bangs on the window ?Q5: What is black and bubbly and taps on glass?A: A baby in the microwave.Q: What is black and bubbly and taps on glass every ten seconds?A: Dead baby in a carousel microwave!(works best if told while in a swivel chair)Q: What's blue and knocks on glass?A: A baby in a fishtankQ: What is charred black and smells really bad?A1: A baby chewing on an extension cord.A2: A baby in the fireplace.Q: What's pink and red and sways back and forth, back and forth...?A: Dead baby on a meathook.Q: Why did the baby cross the road?A: It was stapled to the chicken.Q: Why did the Koala fall out of the tree?A: Because it was dead.Q: Why did the baby fall out of the tree?A: Because it was stapled to the koala.Q: Why did the tree fall over?A: The koala never let go.Q: Why did the kangaroo die?A: Because the koala landed on it.Q: What has 4 legs and one arm?A: A Doberman on a children's playground!Q: What is more fun than stapling dead babies to the wall?A: Pulling them off.Q: What's red and chunky and travels, in a circle, at 190 mph ?A: A baby in a blenderQ: Why do you stick a baby in the blender feet first?A: So you can see the expression on its face!Q: Why do you stick a baby in the blender face first?A: So you can see it's feet pulling up into tiny little fists!Q1: How do you get 1000 dead babies in a phone booth?Q2: How do you get 10 dead babies into a tupperware bowl?A1: Use a blenderQ: How do you get it out?A1: With a straw!A2: DoritosQ: What is worse than a dead baby in a garbage can?A: Ten dead babies in a garbage can.Q: What is worse than 10 dead babies in a garbage can?A: One dead baby in a ten garbage cans.Q: What's worse than a dead baby in a trashcan lid?A: A trashcan lid in a dead baby.Q: What do you do with 4 dead babies and a sheet of glass?A: Make a coffee table.Q: What is easier to unload, a truck full of Dead Babies or a truck full of bowling balls?A: Dead Babies, you can use a pitchforkQ: What's the difference between a truck load of dead babies and a truck load of bricks?A: You can't use a pitchfork on bricks.Q: What's the difference between a barrel of water and a barrel of babies?A: You can't shovel water with a pitchfork.Q: How do you load 100 screaming babies onto a truck?A: A pitchfork.Q: How do you unload a truck full of babies?A: With a pitchfork.Q: Why do you unload a truck full of babies with a pitchfork?A: So you can tell which ones are still alive.Q: What's this? (hold arms out and shake them)A: A live one.Q: How do you know when you hit a live one?A: The pitchfork shakesQ: How do you find the live baby in a pile of dead ones?A: Jab 'em all with a pitchfork.Q: What is worse than that?A: At the bottom of the pile, there was one trying to eat its way outQ: What is worse than that?A: It made itQ: What is worse than that?A: It went back for seconds!Q. Whats more fun that spinning a baby on clothes line?A. Stopping it with a shovel.Q: What is worse than running a baby over with a car?A: Getting it out of the tires.Q: How is a baby like a grape?A: They both give a little wine when you squish them.Q: How do you stop a baby falling down a manhole?A: Stick a javelin through it's head.Q: What does a dingo call a baby in a carriage?A: Meals on wheels.Q: What's red and lies in all four corners of the room?A: A baby that's been playing with a chainsaw.Q: What's red, sits in the front of mirror, and gets smaller and smaller?A: A baby combing it's hair with a potato peeler.Q: Whats red and white and screams?A: A peeled baby in a bag of salt.Q: What's the proper gift for a dead baby?A: A dead puppy.Q: Whats the worst thing a deaf, blind, dumb kid can get for christmas?A: Cancer.Q: What is red and crawls up your leg?A: A homesick abortion!Q: What's pink and red and silver and crawls into walls?A: A baby with forks in its eyes.Q: What is red and hangs around in trees?A: A baby that was hit by a snow thrower.Q: What's red and white and is spread all over the lawn?A: A baby run over by a lawn mower.Q: What's red, white and green and is spread all over the lawn?A: Same baby, two months later.Q: Why don't dead babies drive BMWs?A: Because BMW jokes are almost as old as dead baby jokes! Sheish!! Get a life, why don't you?!Q: How many dead babies does it take to change a light bulb?A: As many as it takes to make a pile high enough to reach the light bulb.Q: What's pink and spits?A: A baby in a frying pan.Q: What is bright blue, pink, and sizzles.A: A baby trying to breast feed from an electrical outlet.Q: What is pink and red and gurgles?A: A baby munching on razor blades.Q: What goes plop, plop, fizz, fizz?A: Twins in an acid bath.Q: How do you stop a baby from looking up at you with that cute littlebaby face.A: Gouge its eyes out.Q: Why is it so groovy to be a test tube baby?A: Because you get a womb with a view.Q: What is a sure way to stop a baby from crying?A: With an axe.Q: What's better than tying babies to your bumper and crashing?A: Tying them to your tires and skidding.Q: Why does the husband always bring boiling water at a birth?A: In case the baby dies, he can make soup.Q: What do vegetarian dingos eat?A: Cabbage patch kids.Q: What do you call a baby on a stick?A: A Kebabie.Q: What is the definition of revenge?A: A baby with a dingo in its mouth.Q: What's the difference between a baby and a bagel?A: You can put a bagel in the toaster. You have to put the baby in the oven.Q. What is brown and keeps it's juices in?A. A baby in an oven bag.Q: How do you spoil a baby?A: Leave it out in the sun.Q. What was the baby doing on the wall?A. Playing darts. It was the board.Q. What was the baby doing on the table?A. Lying on its tummy. It was the pin cushion.Q: What is 18" long, cold and stiff, and makes a woman scream in the morning?A: SIDSQ: What's worse (or more fun) than a dead baby in art class?A: Pinning it up on the bulletin board.Q: What's worse than finding a dead baby on your pillow in the morning?A: Realizing you were drunk and made love to it the night before.Q: What's the difference between a bucket of gravel and a bucket of placenta?A: You can't gargle gravel.Q: Why are test tube babies the most beautiful onesA: Because they're hand madeDid you know that it takes five babies to make just one bottle of baby oil?A woman was lying in her hospital bed recuperating after an intense12 hour delivery of a bouncing baby boy. Moments later the hospital room door opened, and in walked the delivery nurse carrying the baby boy... SUDDENLY the nurse THROWS the baby on the floor, kicks it up against the wall, picks it up and TWIRLS it around several times and THROWS it against the wall... Well, just bewildered, the woman gives out a loud SHREEEK and hollers MY GOD ..... WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO MY BABY ?????? The Nurse chuckles a little to herself 'April Fools', she says... He was ALREADY DEAD !!!!!!!!!!
Jerry Rice is walking down the streets of San Francisco when all of asudden he hears sirens coming from the next street down. He hurriesdown the road to see what's happening and sees a huge fire engulfinga 10 story building. And on the top floor, a lady is leaning out thewindow shouting to the firemen below.
FIREMAN: Come on, lady, jump. We have the tarp here, we'll be ableto catch you.LADY: No....I can't. My baby, my baby is up here.FIREMAN: Throw the baby down, we'll catch him.LADY: No, you'll miss. I can't leave my baby.Jerry sees this and steps forward. "Hey, I think I can help. Let mehave the bullhorn."JERRY: Hey lady, I'm Jerry Rice, the wide receiver for the San Francisco 49er's. I'm the best wide receiver in the game, throw your baby down and I'll catch him, this is what I do for a living.Being a 49er fan herself, the lady recognizes Jerry and throws her baby down to him. Just as she throws it though, a huge gust of wind comes and takes the baby, blowing him off course. Jerry sees this and takes off after the baby. He hurdles the line closing off the area, fights through the crowd, dodges a couple of fire fighters, jumps over the car, and dives forward, just making a fingertip catch of the baby. The crowd around him goes wild and starts cheering his amazing catch. So Jerry jumps to his feet, raises his finger into the air, does a twostep and then spikes the baby.alsoQ: How come Helen Keller can't have kids??A: Because she's DEAD!Q: How did Helen Keller drive herself crazy?A: Trying to read a stucco wall.Q: What is Helen Keller's favorite color?A: Corduroy.Q: Why is all of Helen Keller's face burnt?A: She was bobbing for french fries.Q: How did Helen Keller burn the side of her face?A: She answer the iron.Q: How did she burn the other side of her face?A: They called back.Q: How did Helen Keller's parents punish her?A: They left the plunger in.Q: Why was Helen Keller's leg wet?A: Her dog was blind too.Q: Why does Helen Keller masturbate with one hand?A: she needs the other to moan with.Q: How did she burn her fingers?A: Reading the waffle ironQ: What did she do when she fell down the well?A: Screamed her fingers offQ: How come she didn't scream when she fell off the cliff?A: She was wearing mittensQ: Why does she wear skin tight pants?A: So you can read her lipsQ: Why did Helen Keller's dog commit suicide?A: You would too if your name was 'Urghrrghrghr'.Q: Have you heard of the new Helen Keller doll?A: Wind it up and it walks into walls.Q: What's this (slowly waving fingers)?A: Helen Keller moaningQ: Who is the cruelest man in the world?A: The guy who raped Helen Keller, then cut off her hands so she couldn't scream for help.Q: How did Helen Keller meet her husband?A: On a blind date!Q: What's Helen Keller's idea of oral sex?
A: A Manicure.Q: How did Helen Keller pierce her ear?
A: Answering the stapler.Q: What did HK's parent's do to punish her?
A1: Rearranged the furniture
A2: Left the plunger in the toilet bowl
A3: They put saran-wrap over the toilet.
A4: Put her in a round room and told her there's a penny in the corner
A5: Washed her hands with soap
A6: Gave her bird-seed to read.
A7: They stomped on all her braille books with golf shoes.Q: How did Helen Keller break her hand?A: Trying to read the stop sign at 50 mph.Q: What was Helen Keller's speech impediment?A: Calluses.Q: Why didn't Helen Keller change her baby's diaper?A: So she could always find him.Q: Why did Helen Keller have yellow fingers?A: from whispering sweet-nothings in her boyfriends ear.Q: How did Helen Keller get stab marks on her face?A: Learning to eat with a fork.Q: How do you get Helen Keller to keep a secret?A: Break her fingers

:jerkit:

[Hypnotic]

how bout i cant read that much in one sitting, its like reading a book or something, if its wisdom that cant be found on the side of a bottle, i dont want it

southern comfort, enjoy this smooth new orleans original straight, on the rocks, or mixed.

[Rinoa]

:eek::eek::eek::eek::eek::eek::eek:

[OrngePlasticTree]

yeah it pissed me off, it wasnt supposed to be in one big prgph. i copied and pasted it from a txt document i had and they were all lined up, but when i posted... it ended up like that. iono...

[Krispy_Kreme]

yeah it pissed me off, it wasnt supposed to be in one big prgph. i copied and pasted it from a txt document i had and they were all lined up, but when i posted... it ended up like that. iono...

God forbid you preview before you post, that is like sticking your dick in pussy and not have ever looked at it

[OrngePlasticTree]

life moves too fast to preview.
http://ebaumsworld.com/forumfun/negative17.jpg